Nancy Grace Pays Well and Inbreeding Is Bad

How I imagine criminals looking at my Facebook page.

I just finished watching Making a Murderer. Coincidentally, it was also around the same time that Nancy Grace got Steven Avery’s ex-fiance, Jodi to declare that she believes he’s guilty and that he tried to murder her, too after she spent years professing his innocence. So the moral of that story is: Nancy Grace pays well and inbreeding is bad. Continue reading “Nancy Grace Pays Well and Inbreeding Is Bad”

It’s Not Our Fault We Were The First Generation On Social Media!

“#NoFilter” on Instagram means you’re a beautiful freak of nature but we probably already hated you for other reasons.

You guys, I haven’t written in a few weeks. I’m sure all two of my followers were devastated. I was busy having a birthday and officially becoming closer to 30 than 20. So, thank you for your condolences during this difficult time. I’m not sure how I’ll get through this, but heavy doses of narcissism and self pity have helped. Oh wait, and watching someone who is my age win a Golden Globe for mediocre acting in, Joy while simultaneously wondering where I went wrong in my life, has also helped. Seriously though, did you see Jennifer Lawrence being rude to a reporter because he was reading off his phone? Should I link to the clip? I shouldn’t. Women should unite and support one another and be uplifting. I should just let it go.

Really. I shouldn’t post the clip.

Screw it. Mail me a Golden Globe and then we’ll talk.

Continue reading “It’s Not Our Fault We Were The First Generation On Social Media!”

New Year’s Resolutions For Underachievers

Artistic rendering of my last year’s New Year’s Resolution fail. 

I hate that another year is over and that I’m going to be another year older. I recently Facebook creeped some of my teachers from elementary school. It’s actually known as the number one cause for making you feel old as shit. I’m not a casual Facebook creeper, though. If I’m creeping, I go hardcore. I go back to at least 2007. And it’s not always just teachers. It’s basically anyone I’ve ever known. I always get angry when I get finally find someone I’ve been searching for on Facebook, and their profile is private. Like, who do you think you are?!  Do you not trust the internet with making your Facebook information public?!

Continue reading “New Year’s Resolutions For Underachievers”

No Snow For Christmas= Tears Not Freezing When I Read My Amazon Bill

Depression: Brought to you by

I thought the day after Christmas was called Boxing Day because it’s when you get rid of all of your empty Christmas boxes. Like who wants to clean up after Christmas, so let’s make a cheery holiday out of it, right?
I hope you guys got good gifts/someone paid off your credit cards. My favorite thing I got for Christmas is my FitBit. Even though my step counter is already in the negatives. Capitol One actually sent me a bill on December 24th because evidently, they have zero chill.  At least there was no snow for Christmas, though. I didn’t want my tears to immediately freeze when I looked at my Amazon bill.


Continue reading “No Snow For Christmas= Tears Not Freezing When I Read My Amazon Bill”

More Plot Holes Than Blue Milk in The Galaxy. A review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

OK, who saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens this weekend? I saw it, in costume, of course. It’s not like I have the time or money to go to an actual Comic Con convention, so you better believe I dressed in full costume. This is my Christmas.

*Warning: spoilers ahead. Continue reading “More Plot Holes Than Blue Milk in The Galaxy. A review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens”

Hanukkah and Holiday Fundraisers

Samantha slays at the office while I cry about my life with enough tears to fill a pool that’d even intimidate Michael Phelps.

How was your weekend? I hope you accomplished more than a few Twitter jokes and Snapchat stories while indulging on pizza. My weekend plans are always the same.
May you join me in my greatness.

So, it’s the holiday season. Oops, is “Holiday” offensive? I just found out this year that I’m 2% Jewish, so I need to be all encompassing, right? I was actually going to celebrate Hanukkah this year. I didn’t realize when it started, so then I was like, “Ah, at least I have 7 more chances”. But then I forgot the second day of Hanukkah, too. Long story short, I missed all 8 days of Hanukkah. I’m just going to blame the 98% non-Jew procrastinator in me for making that happen. I did watch a SnapChat story about Hanukkah in Israel, though. So it’s not a total wash, right? And I saw Menorah candles on sale at Walmart for 97 cents. I’m not sure if that is, in any way, beneficial to this story.

Continue reading “Hanukkah and Holiday Fundraisers”

Walmart Shopping & Pizza Hut Has the Pizza

Samantha is such a Walmart shopper sometimes.

I’m happy to give you a report on my weekend Not-To-Do-List. I painted my nails. So, alas, I do have a purpose in this world. And I had pizza this weekend. Burned my mouth on it, but no regrets.

Have you been to Pizza Hut lately? They have this charity campaign going on where they ask for donations to “Help end world hunger”. Um… They make pizzas. They have the food. What the hell am I supposed to do?  I think there’s a much better chance of them being able to help end world hunger than a 25 year old who can barely cook dinner for herself, hence why she’s at Pizza Hut to begin with.

Continue reading “Walmart Shopping & Pizza Hut Has the Pizza”