When you feel you are not enough.

When you feel you are not enough, take a moment to reflect. Not wallow in your pity or negatively focus on what task brought you to this place. 

No. I mean sit in silence, with the thought. I am not enough. Say it a few times through, let it sting your tongue and cut the roof of your mouth until you taste blood. Let the hollow words hit your insides like a pinball game on it's way down. Is it marinating in your head right now?

Feel bad about it, let the anger tense up your fingernails. Let the anxiety unravel you gently.

Then pull back.

Pull it all back.

The band aid has been ripped off.

You might not have been enough a moment ago, but you will be enough now. Why? Because you've allowed it in. The discomfort. It's been knocking on your door for so long, you shut it out thinking it would not come back, only to find it waited patiently outside.

You are a real person. Your failures are real, your shortcomings are real, your human emotions and thoughts are real.

And the mere fact that you can feel, that you have these emotions of unworthiness, makes it all the more reason why you are worthy.

You're worthy of understanding yourself. Your mind and body and spirit ask of you to take in these moments of defeat, of total inadequacy, wants you to fester in them, and grow. Because you are a phoenix, you are a lotus flower, planted in the earth by roots but with massive wings to fly anywhere. The destination is irrelevant- the Venus I'm trying to get to may not even exit in your universe- and isn't that the beauty of it all, all of these galaxies we create for ourselves that no one else can see or feel?

Don't you see you are more than just what your outside success says? Don't you see you are more than the monotony of your everyday life?

The hurt is so necessary, oh so necessary. It stings and stabs me and I can't stand to sit with it any longer and the process is hard, the road outside is so winding and I can't see over the hump of the hill when it disappears to the distance, but can I stay in such a comfortable home forever?

Is there an oasis on the other side, a mirage that changes its vision dependent on my place in the journey?

Life is so strange but it is weird for all of us- in different ways . I just pray that you let yourself FEEL the discomfort and all the negative whirlwinds that come with it, for it means you are alive and it means you want more and because you want more it means you will not stop trying.

 

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